There was a man who had worked all of his life and had d all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything,
and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check
After the funeral the wife went home saying to herself" I did it... I did it' then when she opened the door and tried to get in, she heard a voice which was very a familiar to her saying: ' I'm sorry darlin but it seems that they don't accept checks in the other world!! Surprise
One afternoon a wealthy laywer was sitting in the back of his , limousine being driven to work, when he saw two men eating grass by the side of the road. He ordered his driver to stop, and then he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the men. "Sir, we don't have any money for food," one of the men replied. "Come along with me," instructed the lawyer. The first man said, "But sir, I have a wife and two children. They are also hungry." "Bring them along too," replied the lawyer. The second man said, "Sir, I have a wife and six children. Can they come as well, please?" "No problem, bring them as well," answered the lawyer as he climbed back into his- limo -car. Finally, they were all in the -limo-car - the lawyer, the two men, their two wives and eight children. One of the men said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "No problem, there will be plenty to eat at my home. The grass is almost half a metre tall."
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."